About Me: What You Should Expect To See

I'm a Transguy/Enby learning to accept myself in such a defined world.

Online I enjoy sharing my daily life on Instagram, a little knowledge wherever I can, and a little gossip as a freelance writer. Outside of the internet I own a salon (@thenailcollectivelv) with my wife (@nailed_by_steph).

My profile is here as a guide for those who are struggling to find their place in the world — that’s why there is no hestitation for me to hop on here and share my most inner thoughts.

That’s also why it’s best to learn about me from a few of my Instagram profile excerpts below!

This is me. No gimmicks! ✊🏽💪🏽

Be sure to follow and join me on my journeys below! 👇🏽

How I Like To Connect

Plan With Me!

On some days, things just don’t work out and it’s out of your control. But! What if I told you most things are in your control?

What if I told you that it’s not motivation that you are lacking, it’s just the plan that you lack. Too often we try to reinvent the wheel and do our own thing…that can really screw us up.

Sometimes you go so far out of the box that you just get lost.

Productivity systems are pushed because they work! You just have to work them.

Sit down with paper and pen…make some lists…prioritize…get the shit done. If you can’t figure out how…a world of knowledge is at your fingertips. The only one holding you back is yourself.

Connect With Community!

We (@nailed_by_steph and I) had a huge argument yesterday, not a disagreement but a full on argument and I said something that hit me harder than it probably hit her.

I’m not going to say that I won the fight ‑because when you are arguing there are no winners, it’s just an uphill climb‑ but what I am going to say is that I didn’t realize there was so much truth in what I said.

“The reason you are successful is because you have someone who enables you to do so with support.”

Now, in that moment I wasn’t enabling her to do anything but stress. However, that statement reigns true on both sides. We have only had success when there was unwavering support.

If you don’t have that from your lovers, friends, and family then I truly feel your pain. 

Consider this though! Just like in my post yesterday, there is a whole world at your fingertips and you can build the support that you need.

If you are around people who do not do it for you, cut the ties because they are honestly leaching off your energy.

It’s almost 2022 and the world is completely different than it was two years ago today. We live in a world that doesn’t have to tolerate those who don’t tolerate you!

Learn Relational Awareness!

As transgender people, we often forget that our families and partners are going through a transition too!

I think the advice that I was given was absolutely toxic and narcissistic. Not everyone is misgendering or deadnaming you out of malice. Even in the beginning, the person that loved me unconditionally had challenges.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Open communication and MUTUAL boundaries are necessary. 

I wish I would have worked on these two things before pushing my new name and pronouns on my family; because years later boundaries and communication have helped me understand so many nuisances. 
There are never issues that cannot be resolved if both parties are willing to put in the work — families, lovers, and friends.

Support Hustle Culture!

I’ve been hearing my wife tell her mentees that she wants them to have work‑life balance.

The idea is great and all, but I don’t think you can get to our level or higher believing the idea of work‑life balance.

To me, it’s another fallacy told by those who are anti‑grind and anti‑hustle.

Think about the top earning, the most desired careers that you yourself may have dreamed of…

✨ An Influencer isn’t an Influencer some of the time.
✨ An Athlete isn’t an Athlete some of the time.
✨ An Entertainer isn’t an Entertainer some of the time.
✨ A Doctor isn’t a Doctor some of the time.
✨ A Soldier isn’t a Soldier some of the time.

I could go on and on, but what I am saying is this…like health or fitness or parenthood… there has to come a point where you have decide between becoming a high earner or average earner. That is the point where your career becomes your life and your lifestyle.

As we flipped through our pictures adding them to the cloud—we were able to identify our own turning point and we also realized…

You never truly work for yourself…you work for the people who pay the bills. Only you can decide what your bills will look like.

We have a beautiful life because we have beautiful bills! —Meaning we’ve worked hard for everything we have and we are working for more to come.

We’ve all seen the quote — being poor is hard, being rich is hard — choose your hard.

Well I’m going to give you another one.

There is no such thing as work‑like balance when you are in the big leagues…it’s all LIFE!

Choose your life!

Embrace the Grind!

Sometimes I really do underestimate the knowledge I gained from my few years at Chicago Military Academy, but then randomly the skills resurface.

I see the terms Manager, Expert, and Mentor thrown around a hell of a lot on social media. What I don’t see is the true ranks of Trainee, Specialist, or Assistant…and believe me everything has a rank.

Too often we jump into Management and work at an expertise level before learning the skills from the ranks below ‑ this is where constant failure sets in.

At CMA‑B, like many other ROTC programs, we fell into formation but for us it was a daily thing. We had a battalion, within that battalion we had classes, within each class we had ranks, and each rank had a certain position. 

Commanders (managers/mentors) were at the top and Specialists (assistants/trainees) were at the bottom.

The only way to move up within the ranks was through seniority (grade level), performance, knowledge, and achievements. You could move up faster if you really focused on your controllable outcomes… performance, knowledge, and achievements.

Here’s the thing, some who just relied on seniority always reached a rank that they just couldn’t handle.

I guess, what I’m trying to explain is don’t be afraid to start at the bottom. If you are unsatisfied with your position, focus on your controllables. Stop relying on seniority and stop playing positions you aren’t ready to handle.

I promise you will succeed if you learn to fall into formation! 💪🏽💯